Showing Up is an Expression of Love

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Photo by Ian Parker

What does it mean to “show up”?

To the best of my understanding and experience,  “showing up” is our ability to grant our passion and accountabilities our full presence. It doesn’t necessarily mean that our physical bodies need to arrive somewhere. Showing up pulls from our capacity and willingness to focus our attention where it is needed (either by something or someone).

Showing up is key to achieving success in our lives. It is a vital part of our creative process because that is when the REAL work gets done.

When we show up to our life and to our immediate environment, the things that need our attention and support gets taken care of. When we show up for the people in our community, not only does it strengthen our relationship, we also learn a lot from each other in the process of showing up for one another. These interactions that happen in our immediate environment has the most impact on our personal evolution and therefore are the ones that we need to pay attention to.

Showing up is an expression of love, both to ourselves and to our community. We may have friends and family that are not affectionate, or expressive of their feelings, but are always there showing up for us when we have a crisis or we just want to catch up. 

The people in our lives are here for the reason that we chose them to stay in ours too. To keep the connection alive, we simply must show up. 

We each have our own way of expressing ourselves, our love, our gratitude, irritations, anger, and all of our other human qualities that don’t necessarily define who we are. These are very short-lived feelings. What matters in showing up is that we are willing to do the work that is involved and we are willing to work through it, even on days we don’t feel like it.

This may be coming from a self-ISH place: there is a very satisfactory feeling that occurs in our inner self when we show up to our commitments. A part of what can keep us happy is when we feel that we have accomplished something, whether we are in the prepping stages of a project, or at congratulatory stage for the completion of it’s life cycle.

When we have a lot of things going on, the best we can do is keep track of our commitments and show up for it.

How to create a healthy environment for ourselves so we can keep showing up:

  • Self-care. Eat well and get the amount of rest that your body needs. We function better when our personal needs are taken care of. Make sure to create a ritual for yourself that will allow you to feel how special you are. Whether it is working out, a long bath, a cup of wellness beverage, sitting down doing absolutely nothing, a drive in the forest, a good read, …whatever floats your boat. That ME TIME is a must. When we show up to ourselves and our own needs, we can be sure that we can handle everything else that needs our brilliant presence. 
  • Create a good routine. (a.k.a setting yourself up for success) It’s all about the flow. Good time management is helpful when have a lot going on in our daily grind. So setting a time for the tasks that we need to show up for can help manage the stress that comes within the territory of being accountable. I start the day with a shower followed by a good hearty meal before my many things. If I have an appointment, I create reminders on my phone that alerts me three days before (in case there’s prep work that needs to be done), again the day before, and another one two hours before. For my daily tasks, I like to keep it old school with a notebook with an itemized list of what needs to be done that day, followed by other things / interests outside of work that I like to do that day a.k.a, play.  Before I end my work, I try to make another list for the next day’s important tasks. This helps me get a better rest at night. 
  • Pay no mind to procrastinating. It is a distraction to the real entity (a.k.a the brilliant, YOU) that shows up and does the real work. 
  • Make time for your passion. The things we are passionate about are what makes us happy, so it’s important to make time to show up to your passion. This is us feeding our soul. This is the kind of happiness that affects us on a cellular level which is really great for our health. I notice how much happier I feel when I make time to get into things I am interested in. 
  • Show up for the people you love. In this day and age it is impossible not to be able to reach out to our friends and family no matter the distance. The Internet has just made our world a much smaller place and there are so many tools we can use to let the people we care about know we are here for them.
  • Honor our commitments. By showing up. 🙂 

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Real Love is a Conscious Choice

IMG_2777Before discovering the true meaning of love, I treated it as this elusive entity in my life. Like I was a fishing pole and if I waited long enough, I’d catch love. This pattern of thinking consumed me. I’d hold on to whatever I catch for as long as I could no matter how unhappy and toxic of a person I become. My incapacity to love myself and lack of imagination for the love that I want in my life played a big role on the choices I made. It also did not help that my ideals were influenced greatly by romcom movies I’ve seen from my early years.

I made unconscious choices for most of my relationships or lack thereof, which only resulted in terrible misjudgments and created more confusion in my life. Who is the entity that participates when we are on autopilot? I was looking in all the wrong places and attracting other energies that did not mesh well with mine.

I felt a thirst that nothing or no one else could quench. It was maddening.

Somehow luck never leaves our side even when we’ve given up because we messed up so many times. It sticks and cheers us on silently, waiting for the right time to surprise us.

“I will be waiting here,
For your silence to break.
For your soul to shake.
For your love to wake.”
-Rumi

Love found me when I least expected it.

My husband and I met at the workplace. I had no idea that this person whom I’ve been emailing work related stuff with, exchanging “hi”, “hello”, “good morning”, “have a good evening” for 6 months, is the person whom I’ll be sharing the rest of my life with. Looking at him from the outside, all I know is that he’s got a great sense of humor and he carries a seriousness in his overall personality. One day, he asked me to go for a walk with him and I said yes. That was the beginning of our journey together and the beginning of the many yeses I will say to him. For the first time in my life I felt that thirst being quenched. It’s so rejuvenating that I keep wanting more. Our first walk was followed by many many walks, sunrises, and sunsets in LA. We have been inseparable since.

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I remember walking underneath the palm trees of LA streets when we were getting to know one another. That first walk that turned into many…How many of our secrets do they know?

We got married in the late summer of 2011. It was just us and the judge who pronounced us man and wife. I didn’t mind that it wasn’t the wedding I had imagined having from all those years of attending big wedding ceremonies. What mattered to me the most in that moment is I am now getting married to this amazing human who brings so much magic in my life.

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Staying and being in love is a conscious choice.

Falling in love and embarking on this adventure with my husband has taught me a great deal about myself and what it is like to wake up next to someone I care deeply about, someone I  love and someone I am attracted to. 

The vows (“to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”) we exchanged that day we got married is something we choose to uphold every waking day of our lives, together. Aside from the bliss and the passion, there are storms that shakes things up and makes the marriage feel even more real.

There’s a lot of personal growth and evolution that occurs between two people when they decide they want to be in a lasting relationship together. Change is powerful and beautiful in many ways. These are the real gifts that come with being in a relationship with another divine being. For him and I, the key is that we stay together.

In our relationship we outgrow ideas, things, people, and all sorts of manners. We don’t expect each other to stay the same. We embrace the nature of our humanness. We make mistakes and forgive each other. We admire one another’s growth and uniqueness. We fight the good fight. We serve each other. We laugh at our silliest moments and call each other out on our BS. We own and keep conscious of our accountabilities to each other and to the environment we are cocreating both as a couple and as individuals. No matter what life brings us or what each other bring to the table, we stay together as conscious and as present as we can and we go through it together. We enjoy the bliss, the hurt, the growing, the fun, and all that encompasses being in a relationship.

Love is not tiresome, nor is it unmindful. Love is generous. It takes many acts of kindness to wake somebody up from their long slumber of numbness. That is what my husband did for me. And in loving my husband, I learned that love is not elusive. It is quite the opposite, love is abundant and ever present. We are the source of the love we want to create in our lives. We need only to learn to tap into the source. 

There can only be limits to love and loving where we put it.

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“Love is not an emotion, it is your very existence.” -Rumi